Have you got everything sorted in your marriage financially? Are there subjects you’d like to discuss with your husband but don’t really know where to start? Well, read on to find out five financial questions every married couple should ask, as well as resources for further reading and listening.
In my first serious relationship, my partner and I were just as broke as each other when we were starting out. He was a student and I was a temp when we first lived together. I don’t remember discussing how we should manage the finances, but I distinctly remember him buying food and paying bills without incident.
We didn’t discuss things like pensions, mortgages, school fees, etc, because all that stuff just seemed so far off and abstract. If I’d asked a few more questions about money, I think there are things about our mismatched personalities that would have come to the fore before we got serious and had a child(.)
In my first marriage I thought we’d covered everything, but sometimes there’s just no accounting for people not being honest about their attitudes to money. We were OK when I was supporting him when he was unemployed. It didn’t flow in the other direction when our situations reversed though. Needless to say, that didn’t work out.
Fast forward a few years and I’m happily married to someone else, with three more children in a blended family.
My husband has a WAY different attitude to money compared to me! I’m a go-getter, still striving for financial security after a failed marriage and a childhood that had more money problems than I care to mention. My husband, on the other hand, seems to have security written into his DNA. I goal set, he doesn’t. He’s very satisfied, I haven’t met my targets. In saying that though, he and I are still a financial perfect match.
We support each other in our professional and personal aspirations. We support each other’s savings goals. We’re happy with what we spend on bills and leisure. It all works out. But why does it work out?
Having been burned in the past by partners who had different financial goals to me, I wanted to ensure that whatever my husband’s financial goals were (he was absolutely entitled to have his own) they didn’t clash with mine. So, even if they were different, they weren’t to take away from, or interfere with mine. They could add to mine or leave them neutral, but after having to build myself up from being worse off after a failed marriage than I was before it, I certainly wasn’t entertaining having someone who just took.
The bottom line is, my husband’s different attitude to money doesn’t clash with mine.
He’s a good provider and has been wonderful when we’ve had no money and wonderful when we’ve had money. He’s trustworthy and in the eleven years we’ve been married I know that we can and always will take care of each other financially. The other will never go without if one of us has money.
To ensure that you know where you stand financially with your husband or partner, ask a few questions. Here are five things that each person in the marriage should know about the other:
1. What are the first three things you’d you buy if you won the lottery?
I think this question is great! Not only is it a fantastic ice breaker, but you get to find out your husband’s spending priorities if money was no object. It’s really fun to know that kind of thing about your husband, and your response to that question might take him by surprise too. Would he say things like “my life wouldn’t change at all”, or is he more likely to say “I’d be off around the world at the drop of a hat!”. Where do you and the children fit in with all of that? Interesting, isn’t it?
2. Should we have a joint bank account?
Some couples swear by them, some couples say they’re the worst. What do you both think?
3. What, if any, are your savings goals?
If you love to save and he loves to spend or vice versa – this could cause problems. If, however, you have agreements in place on what you’d both like to save towards together (a deposit on a house, car, private education, etc) then it’s good to know.
I firmly believe that a woman should have her own money though. Consider that most women still don’t earn as much as men and then they go on to have smaller pensions too.
Even so, I’d go as far to say that both parties should have some something of their own put by for a rainy day, in addition to any joint savings they may have.
4. How much do you earn?
The big question!! On the introductory podcast for The Pineapple Project, a series of people were asked some very personal questions, ranging from whether they had a favourite child, to what their most riské sexual act was. People shared openly until the question was asked: “How much do you earn?”. They totally clammed up! Strange, but true!
5. How should we split the bills?
It was a sore point for my grandmother that the bills in the house were split 50/50 even though she brought in far less than the half of the household income. Yup, not good! So if you or your husband brings in, say 40% of the household income, perhaps discuss whether it would be fairer for the person bringing in 40% to only have to pay 40% of the bills.
Resources & Further Reading*
I love, love, love The Pineapple Project! This episode called Love & Money is a humorous but informative look at how to deal with money in a relationship. You can find a free pdf of financial conversation starters for couples here.
Here are some great books for you to take a look at. My favourite is Total Money Makeover even though I don’t agree with absolutely everything that’s in it.
Do you think these are good questions? Or do you think they’re not forward enough? Write your answers below and share this post freely on social media.
Mother Of Abundance supports ambitious mothers. If you want to make sure that you plan a life and (business!) that meets your needs, but sure to download the free workbook Planning Your Best Life (& Living It Every Day). Just put your details in below and your copy will come straight to you.
*Some of these links in this post are affiliate links. If you click on them and make a purchase I’ll make a small commission without any additional cost to you.
