Including accidentally kidnapping someone, this is a list of 10 things you didn’t know about me. I know you may already know my name, Xina, and what I do, but in this episode, I share facts about my life that you may not be aware of. And I promise the kidnapping story is very funny. I hope you do enjoy as you listen in.
Transcript
[27 Minutes Read]
Hello, and welcome to Mother of Abundance – the place where ambitious, caring mothers find information on how to live your best life. So whether you’re a mother who’s growing a business, climbing the corporate ladder, studying for a qualification or an at home mother, while striving to be the best you can be, you’re in the right place. I’m your host, Xina Gooding Broderick.
Hello, and welcome to Season 3, Episode 2, of the Mother of Abundance Podcast. I’m your host, Xina Gooding Broderick. And yeah, you know my name already, don’t you? But there might be some other things about me that you do not know. And this episode is 10 Things You Didn’t Know About Me.
So, like I said, you know my name. You might know what I do. But did you know that I accidentally kidnapped someone once? I’m serious. That’s one of the few things that you might not know about me. So stay tuned for that story.
This week, I thought I’d welcome you a little bit more into my world, so that you can see who I am. So here are 10 things that you didn’t know about me. Enjoy.
#1 – I Was Raised in A Single Parent Household
Number one – I was raised in a single parent household. You might hear me talking and waxing lyrical about cute little mommy, who I adore so much. I can tell you that when we were little, she was not so cute. She was fierce. She was fierce. She was so fierce that the boys, I call them the big boys, they were like 15 when I was five or whatever, they were terrified of her. Absolutely terrified of her.
And she is really tiny and cute. But like I said, back then, even though she was still tiny, she was fierce. People were afraid of her. And I think it was a lot to do with the fact that she was in survival mode. You know, looking after me and my sister. She was doing everything she could to make sure that we were well fed, well turned out and oh, my goodness, my mother.
When I think about the skill and the talent that woman has, it kind of blows my mind. I try not to go too far down into the rabbit hole of my mother’s abilities. But just to give you a few ideas of the skill set that my mother has, she could cane roll our hair into the most tiny and intricate designs. She could put beads in our hair. So she was really good at doing our hair.
She was a fantastic and still is a fantastic gardener. So she had green fingers and she decided she was going to do strawberries. There were strawberries enough for everybody, like, I mean, our household, the local neighbors, my grandparents. We had strawberry flan, strawberry milkshake, strawberry, strawberry, strawberries.
Then she decided she was gonna do spinach. We had again, enough spinach for the entire neighborhood. My next door neighbor used to say, “Oh my goodness, you’re gonna be big and strong because you eat enough spinach like Popeye.” And we know it’s Popeye, but we used to call him Popeye. I go figure. I have no idea why.
What else could mommy do? Mommy could knit. She knitted our jumpers. Even when my eldest son was born, she knitted a full outfit for my son. In fact, a few outfits for Malachi, when he was a baby. I think she even knitted a, I mean back then we didn’t really have duvets in the mid to late 70s. We didn’t do duvets as they are now. We had continental quilts, which meant you couldn’t, literally, it was the duvet and the cover, all in one. But my mum knitted like a cover for the quill, at the whole thing.
She could crochet. She could sew our clothes and make clothes. She could cook. She could bake. She still can cook and she still can bake. She can still do all of those things. I mean, I have said to my mother that I am amazed by her, because people tend to fall into mainly creative or mainly logical, but my mum was quite the academic. So she was a real pure blend of both really creative and really quite logical thinkers. Quite a strategic thinker.
And although when we were younger, I did not get on with my mom at all, we really clashed our personalities, really, really clashed. I was joking with her just yesterday that this is my younger me’s worst nightmare, because I swore I would never be like my mom. And who am I like? I’m like my mother. Just like my mom.
I’m just like my mom. Always in a book. Love reading. As you guys know. I get my super nerdism definitely from my mother. So yeah, I’ve definitely got a lot of her influences, which I’m really proud of. But yeah, that was a lot to do with the fact that my sister and I were were mainly raised just by her.
We spent a lot of time with my grandparents. But that was like, one day a week we’d go and spend at my grandparents, but in terms of being raised by, my mother was very much a sole parent. And so that’s number one. That I was raised by the single parent, my mother, Thelma Thomas, an extraordinary lady.
#2 – I Went On To Become A Single Parent
Number two is that I, too, went on to become a single parent. Something I did not want. But I think it’s one of those situations, where if you keep saying I don’t want this, I don’t want this, I don’t want this. You kind of put in your energy to attract this, the very same thing you’re saying you don’t want. Yeah, that’s not the way to go about it. What you do is you talk about what you do want, you do want, you do want. And your energy tends to attract that more.
I have no regrets. I love my Malachi. He’s just amazing. I say he was unplanned, but he was definitely, definitely wanted. And definitely was meant to be. Just such a wonderful young man that he is.
#3 – I Am A Nerd & Life Long Learner
Number three, is that I am a nerd and life long learner. You may have heard me say this before, you might think that that means that I am academic. No, I am not academic. I do academic courses. And when I do them, it breaks my brain. It hurts my head. And I find it really difficult. That’s probably why I’m going to go on to do a PhD. I’m not even joking. I don’t know why I’m laughing. I think I’m laughing because I know that it’s a madness, because of how much it hurts my head when I study.
But what I do love nerding over are just various points of interest. If I’m interested in something, I will full on go down that rabbit hole and learn everything I can about that thing that I’m interested in. So yeah.
One of the many things I’m interested in, is coaching. You guys know that I’m really down the coaching rabbit hole. I’m doing a masters, in a masters level course, I should say, in executive coaching and mentoring. And I just absolutely love it. I’m very much into personal and professional development, continuing personal and professional development. And yeah, I will always be studier, until, you know, I draw my last breath. I will always study.
#4 – I Have Sung At The Royal Albert Hall
Number four – I have sung at the Royal Albert Hall. Some of you know that I used to be a singer. A lot of you will probably not know that I was a singer. I used to sing. Gosh, a lot. I did some studio singing. Some session work. I’ve sang as a backing singer on stage. I have sung as a lead singer in my own right, but not with a record deal or anything quite as grand as that.
I was also a really happy member of Singology Gospel Choir, with a wonderful man as our choir master Mark De-Lisser, who has also gone on to work with vocal talent on the TV show called The Voice. And he also worked with Kingdom Choir for their performance at Megan and Harry’s Royal Wedding.
But back when I was in Singology Gospel Choir, he was our wonderful choir master. I sang alongside my husband, Peter, who also can sing. Peter’s got a beautiful, beautiful voice. And we had the opportunity to go to the Royal Albert Hall and sing for a charity called Support for Africa, which is headed by Patti Boulaye.
And there were lots of footballers there, doing like fundraisers and all sorts. And I think Didier Drogba
was there and a few other people. But we were there with lots of other choirs, doing lots of singing. Patti was on stage. The Royal Albert Hall was filled with lots of choirs. And it was actually a really wonderful event. So I can say that I have sang at the Royal Albert Hall, without kidding without joking, with being absolutely serious.
#5 – I Have A Degree In Business Studies
Number 5 – Fifth thing you may not know about me, is that I have a degree in Business Studies. I did mention that I am a nerd. And I thought the best thing for me to do, as I wanted to be a business person, was to get a degree in Business Studies.
Yeah, that didn’t work out the way I quite expected. Because I am not an academic. When I used to go to school, I announced to my friends that I was there to socialize. I wasn’t serious at school at all. Very bright and very bored at school. And although I could learn, I think I’d be really excited about my classes, in September. And by November, I was bored out of my mind. So I didn’t really thrive academically at school.
I think I was in the middle and the high sets, but bored most of the time. So I didn’t leave school with much of anything. Yeah, and though, there were other things going on at school, where I wasn’t supported as much as I could have been, by academia. Didn’t really work out for me and some of my, a lot of my generation. But that’s an entirely different story.
So I left school without any qualifications to speak of, I think couple of GCSEs. Then decided that I really needed to go back into education, when I became a single parent. Before I became a single parent, it’s like, wow, if I’m going to support this child, I need to get me some qualifications. But I didn’t, I said it with correct grammar, I hasten to add. Then went off and did a degree in Business Studies.
Now, that was difficult for me, for many reasons. One of the reasons being I was so poor. I mean, real abject poverty, whilst doing that degree. It was a huge struggle, academically, to stay focused and stay on target with my assignments. I think I’d get a B in an assignment. And then that whole boredom thing would kick in as well.
My self-discipline really needed some working on. So it was quite a struggle for somebody with my personality type, to the point where I think when I was in my last year, and in my last few months, I was crying to my mom and my sister saying, “I’m going to drop out.” And they were like, “Oh, you’ve only got a little bit left to go.” And I’ll be like, “You don’t understand. I should have dropped out years ago. I’m just hating this whole entire thing.”
But I did manage to knuckle down. I did manage to get through my degree. I got a 2.2 in my business studies; it’s a BA honors, Business Studies degree. And I thought that I would be qualified to go and sort out businesses and all the rest of it. And for lots of graduates will know how funny that sounds, where you’ve gone and done a degree and you think, right, that’s me, I’m ready now. And it’s like, no, it’s so very different outside of academia. So I was very disappointed and very much in debt. But I have no regrets. Again, I have no regrets.
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#6 – I Have Lived In Spain
We’re on to number six now. I lived in Spain. And I giggled at that because it sounds really great. And it was actually the beginning of the end of my first marriage. I had decided that I wanted to live out there. And discussed it with my first husband, who had agreed. But yeah, it just really did not work out.
So I lived out there for six months with my eldest son. And it could have been beautiful, but it was actually a very stressful time in my life. At the time, I almost became bilingual in Spanish. My family had been taking Spanish classes in the home for about 18 months. So we were almost bilingual. But then when we went out there, we were able to immerse ourselves.
My eldest son attended private school out there, and we lived in a massive, beautiful house, that we just could not afford. It was just not good. My husband was supposed to join us. But like I said, that just didn’t work out. He decided he wasn’t going to come. But yeah, it just all fell apart. The beginning of the end of my first marriage, which you might hear a theme, a recurring theme here. I have no regrets. I have no regrets. It just means that in terms of being able to mentor people, I can draw from a wealth of experience. Yes, some of it fantastic, and some of it not so fantastic. But I’m gonna move on to something that was fantastic.
#7 – I Have Had A Home Water Birth
And that was, my youngest son was born at home in a water birthing pool, with no pain relief. I didn’t do it for brownie points. I didn’t do it to brag about it. I did it because I really wanted to know if I could. I wanted to know, if I had, if my body had the physical ability to really do it, without medical intervention.
I have to say that if anything had gone wrong, I would have shot to the hospital at the speed of light. I would have had the ambulance out there in a flash. So it wasn’t one of those situations, where I wanted to do it and fly in the face of medicine. No, it was just because of all the other things that my body has been able to do as a natural function, without outside help. And I just wanted to know if my body could give birth without outside help. And I felt really, I felt like I’d really achieved something. I felt wonderful about it.
And I think that was a lot to do with the environment that I’d created in the home. So my husband and I, we were in charge of filling the water birthing pool. My husband was playing Neo-soul music. It was so peaceful. There was candlelight there. My mother was there with us. One of the midwives was dancing to the music. I was able to just really focus on the whole process of giving birth, without any internal examinations, because I didn’t want that.
I’d had an internal examination with my eldest son, and I never forgot it. It was really painful. The midwife at the time, I’m sure she was doing her best, but she told me she’d had five kids without pain relief, and it didn’t hurt. And I was already in a lot of pain at that point in time. So for, oh my goodness. I’ve gone and got the midwife who doesn’t believe that women are in pain when they’re giving birth. That’s just my look. And I think that whether it was psychological or real, it just made the internal she did, more painful for me.
So yeah, I was like, I don’t want any internal examinations this time. I just want to be able to focus and get on, and do this myself. And it was beautiful. It was painful. I’m not gonna lie. I did the hypnobirthing course, and all the rest of it. I was hoping it wouldn’t be painful, but it still hurt. But it was as beautiful as a painful experience could be. And it was wonderful, when my little boy was in my arms. It was really nice.
And I say this, knowing that just yesterday was Mother’s Day in the UK, and today is my youngest’s 10th birthday. So 10 years ago, today, depending on the time that you’re listening to this, I would have been going through that experience in my dining room. And when we laugh and joke at my youngest, my little Elijah, when we say, my eldest might say to him, “Who do you think you are?” And he goes, “I’m Elijah. I was born right here.” And he’ll point to the flooring in the dining room. And it’s absolutely hilarious when he does that, but it’s nice, it’s heartwarming.
#8 – The First Funeral I Directed Was My Father’s
Number eight – You may know but I’m a funeral director. I’m a qualified funeral director. My family business is Gooding Funeral Services. And the first funeral I directed was my father’s. And that was the reason why I became a funeral director was through the death of my father. He asked when he was dying, if myself and my husband would take over his funeral business, in the event of his death.
He had a very short illness. He had cancer of the bile ducts, which is a rare and aggressive form of cancer. And from the point of diagnosis to the time he died, I think it was like seven and a half to eight weeks. It wasn’t long at all. And during that time, I was his primary carer, which was an honor, to be able to take care of him in his last few weeks.
But he also asked myself and my husband if we will take over his business. And of course, that’s how I came to be a funeral director. And my sister is our third partner. So it’s me, my husband and my sister, who own that business together. But the first funeral I directed was my dad’s. And it really was an honor to be able to do that for my father as well. It was a huge funeral. And he had all the stops pulled out for his funeral. He said he wanted a funeral befitting of a funeral director. And he certainly did. And yeah, so that was the first funeral that I directed.
#9 – I Accidentally Kidnapped Someone
Number nine – I accidentally kidnapped someone. I know you might have been thinking, “At last. I was wondering if she was going to remember to say this.” Yes, I have remembered to say this. Now, in my funeral business, sometimes I have been known to do advocacy work for our clients, if they need help. And there was one situation, where a dear friend and client of mine was unhappy with what she had been through towards the end of her father’s life at the local hospital.
So as part of my advocacy work, I went with her, with meetings to the hospital, with the patient liaison team. And I had a contact at the hospital, who worked in the bereavement service. He was an acquaintance of mine. We were both serving on the board of our beloved Leeds Bereavement Forum. I’d met him a couple of times. And I think he was really good in the bereavement service of that local hospital at the time. He was just very professional. Really hands on. And he clearly cared for the service that the hospital was providing.
And I said, “I just need to speak to you because I’m really frustrated about what’s going on with my friend, and I thought things had happened since my father had died at that hospital, but it looks like there is still improvements that need to be made.” I was really passionate. You can probably tell from the way this is going. So he said, “Just come over. Come over and speak to me. I’ll meet you downstairs in the car park.
So I went over to the hospital, was in the car park. Called him. Let him know that I was downstairs waiting for him. So he said, “Alright, I’ll nip down. I’ll be there in a moment.” In the meantime, a friend of mines son was returning to London. He’d been studying in Leeds, here in Leeds. And had kept some of his things in the locker, where, at the time we were keeping our fleet. So our hearse and limousines.
So he was coming to collect his items from the locker. I’d taken a picture of the front of the locker of the entrance, so that when he was driving there with the taxi, he would recognize the entrance and be able to drive in. So while my friend, whilst Mark was making his way down to the car park, to the car, he was saying, “Oh, I can’t find it. Can’t find it.” And I said, “Well, I’ve sent you the image.”
And then Mark comes and sits down in the car. And I’m sort of saying, “Oh, I’m so upset about this, what’s happened on behalf of my client, and we will…”, you know, engrossed in a conversation. And I was remembering that I was unhappy with the service that I’d received when my father had died at the same hospital. And said, “You know, things have really got to improve. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to my friend, my client, you know, how am I supposed to guide her through this, when I know that I’m unhappy as well?” And he will say, “Well, yes, you’re right. Let me know who I can put you in touch with.” Then the phone goes off. And this young man, again, is saying, “Xina, I cannot find it.”
And I look at my phone, see the message come through and I’m still speaking to Mark. And I go into multitasking mode. And I start driving, and driving and driving. In the meantime, I’m still complaining that the hospitals really got to do better. I’m thinking this boy, where has he gone? I gave him directions.
And my poor passenger is thinking, where is she taking me? I do not know where this is. Because we start pulling into the industrial estate now, where the locker is. And his fingers, I am not reading the poor man’s body language at all. But he’s clearly terrified. And his fingers are pressing into the dashboard. And I’m still not clocking that he’s nervous. And we’re pulling up and I’m still complaining saying, “Yeah, because we’ve, you know, we’ve, what can be done and what are the steps?”
And he says to me, “Xina, where are we? And why have you brought me here?” And it’s the tone of his voice. Oh, my goodness. He was clearly terrified. He was clearly terrified. I’m like, “Oh, my, I’m so sorry.” And then I explained the whole reason why I brought the poor man. But he was thinking, he told me afterwards, because we laugh about it all the time now.
We’re good friends. He’s a beloved friend and respected colleague. We went on to chair, co-chair Leeds Bereavement Forum together. And we laughed about that situation so often, but he was thinking in his mind, nobody knows where I am. I haven’t told my colleagues where I’ve gone. I just told them that I’ll be back in a moment. So no one knows where I am. And I know Xina a little bit, but I don’t know her very well. She’s clearly very upset. And this is an industrial estate and no one knows where I am. I think she’s a nice person. But she could bring me here and murder me. Honestly, this is what was going through the poor man’s mind. So yeah, I accidentally kidnapped someone and I know better now, I assure you, I will not do that again.
#10 – I Am Madly In Love With My Husband
The last point number 10. Number 10 is that I am madly in love with my husband. And I mean madly in love with my husband. The poor man, every day and every night I tell him how much I adore him. I tell him how much he means to me. I stroke his face. I play with his ear lobes. I just properly love on my husband, my beloved husband, Peter. Absolutely adore him. Send him messages throughout the day. When he phones me, I tell him how happy I am to hear his voice. Oh, I tell him he’s a good daddy to the boys. I really, really celebrate my husband.
Love is a huge theme in my life. It’s the most important emotion that I have. And it’s one of my core beliefs that the people, who I love, should not be left wondering how I feel about them. Now I know I’m really lucky, because although I have been happily married to Peter, for 13 years. This month, it will be 13 years, we will have been married, I am well aware of the fact that it’s not always been like that for me. It’s not.
I’ve mentioned in this podcast already, that I was a single parent. So you know that my, it didn’t last with my eldest son’s father. That did not work out. You also heard that I’d moved to Spain. And that was the beginning of the end of my marriage. Well, that was my first marriage. And that didn’t work out. And I haven’t had lots and lots of partners, but I have had more than the partners that I’ve mentioned.
And some of those relationships are absolutely disastrous, I mean, violent, or just a complete mismatch, which wasn’t violent, just, we just didn’t get on. We’re arguing all the time. Or, you know, emotional abuse, like breaking down my self-esteem and making me really doubt myself. So although I am really, really happily married, and besotted with Peter, I am really, truly blessed that he, I can love him with all my heart, and not be made a fool of, because that has not been the case for me in the past.
I’ve had situations where, I’ve had someone cheat on me with my best friend, who clearly is no longer my best friend, you know. I’ve been through the wringer. And I think for me, it’s really important that when I move forward in my life, and I have really great experiences, the not so great experiences serve to make me a better mentor.
And that’s what I also bring to Your Best Life Academy. It’s not only the coaching and the questions, which are so important, but it’s the mentorship. I’ve been through a lot, I’m almost half a century old. Right? And I’ve been through a lot. Some of my life reads, like a really bad EastEnders script. And I just think that will help my audience all the more, whether it’s, what the authenticity that I put into my podcasts, or how I engage with people on social media, or how I coach my clients.
And in my family business, I don’t direct funerals so much anymore. I mainly work with coaching executive mothers, executive women, and ambitious, loving mothers. But whatever I do, whether it’s through my pass as a certified grief recovery specialist, whatever I do, I always bring my authentic self. I do not judge people, because whether someone’s smiling in front of me, and going through a horrific time at home, or they’re being a real monster, and they’ve got an easy life at home, I cannot take them at face value. And I cannot judge them on what they bring to me, because I know I’ve been through a lot. And I’m in a really happy place. I mean, really, really good place. So now it’s my time to pay it forward and give back, and serve you in a way that serves my authentic self as well.
So I would love to know 10 things about you. Do you dare to share? I hope you do. Not only share this podcast, but share your 10 things as well and share it with 10 women. See if you could do that. There’s a lot of 10s there, aren’t there? Well, forget the 10s. Just share some facts about yourself. Tag me on your socials. I would love for you to tag me. I’m @motherofabundance, but you can just follow the links. I’ll make sure that all my social links are in the show notes. Tag me in your post and tell me 10 things about you. Tell me if there’s something about me that you already knew. And tell me if there’s something that I’ve mentioned about me that has really surprised you. I would love to hear your feedback. In the meantime, have an abundant day and an abundant week.
The Mother of Abundance Podcast is brought to you by Your Best Life Academy for Ambitious, Loving Mothers. A 10 week coaching program, which will give you the tools, habits and strategies to ditch overwhelm, overcome maternal guilt and be more present for your family.
