S2E4 Gay Gooding Kershaw Part 2/2 ~ From Education Professional to Funeral Parlour Owner

by | 5, Oct 2020 | Podcast | 0 comments

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Links discussed in the podcast:

Gooding Funeral Services: https://goodingfuneralservices.co.uk/
Mother of Abundance Facebook Group:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/motherofabundance
The National Funeral Exhibition:  https://www.nationalfuneralexhibition.co.uk/

Transcript

Xina: [00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to another episode in the place where ambitious, caring mothers can find information on how to live your life. So whether you’re a mother who’s growing a business, climbing the corporate ladder, studying for a qualification or an at home mother while striving to be the best you can be.

You’re in the right place. I’m your host Xina Gooding Broderick.

Welcome to episode four, season two of the Mother of Abundance podcast. If this is your first time listening. Welcome. Welcome. If this is not your first time listening. Welcome back.

Last week we had the superb Gay Gooding Kershaw interviewed on the podcast. And that was part one of a two part interview.

We’re having part two today. If you’ve not listened to the first interview, I highly recommend that you do because Gay had some fantastic advice in there.  I would also like to remind you or inform you if you’ve not heard the first episode that Gay is my business partner and she’s also my sister and we worked together in our family business Gooding Funeral Services.

Just to have a quick recap of what we discussed last week, we covered Gay’s early career, including what she was told at school, by the careers teacher; what she did at college; what she did at university, her first few jobs.  We also talked about how working at an antique dealers profoundly impacted her attitude towards service.

.What it was like becoming a housewife. And how that made her feel in terms of self worth and what it was like returning to the workforce and why she did that.  This episode, we’re going to cover her first job after having children and how she moved from that role into becoming a business owner and business consultant.

Gay: [00:02:40] It was a part time job. So I was able to drop the children off in the morning, driving the opposite direction, go to work, then finish work just before they came out from school. Go straight back to school and collect them. In order for me to finish in time to get to my children, it meant that I would have to take half hour lunch break instead of a full hour lunch.

Xina: [00:03:03] Right.

Gay: [00:03:03] I had to juggle it around a bit, but it worked for me and I was really happy with that. Having that convenience, it was great

Xina: [00:03:12] Fantastic

Gay: [00:03:13] Fantastic,

Xina: [00:03:13] Really good way to get back into the workforce because someone tells you, you can’t and then it’s like, well, “Excuse me?”.

Gay: [00:03:20] Yeah. Also it gave me going into education. I started to see things that became really important to me about my own children’s education. I saw the value of being there or sending for example, Open evenings. I feel that open evenings really important. And if a parent can’t be there at their children’s open evening because they have work commitments or other commitments, health issues, if they can send a family member, send a friend, maybe you swap, you go for your friend’s children.

Your friend goes for your children. It’s really important that a child has an advocate at parent’s evening.

Xina: [00:04:05] Yeah.

Gay: [00:04:05] Because that is the time when the school sees that a child has support.

Xina: [00:04:11] Yeah.

Gay: [00:04:12] And children with support don’t get left behind at school.

Because there are consequences.

Someone will call up the school.

There’s a risk of someone emailing the school. There’s a risk of a parent demanding an explanation for something. And the basic way of showing that is by turning up to the child’s parents that do understand people have commitments. That’s why I recommend working out some sort of rota, with your family or your friends or something.

Write down the questions that you have for the teachers, speak to your child about any concerns they’ve got, write them all down cause you’re never going to remember all the questions you have. Write them down. The other trick is if you go to a parents  evening with a pen and paper and you’re taking notes, the teacher is held to account and your child should not be at a disadvantage.

It’s just good for your child to have an advocate.

I knew that the importance of going to parents evening but not as much I did when I worked in schools, I know that the teachers worked very hard. But teachers are human and on a subconscious level for some teachers, not a lot of teachers, if there are shortcuts, i.e., if they don’t have to pay attention to that child, because there’s not going to be any comeback, there’s no one never going to write into the school or turn up to ask question, then that child it’s easy for them to get left behind or forgotten.

Xina: [00:05:37] Yeah. I can see that especially with teachers being under resourced at the moment and having just so much pressure and so much extra work

Yeah,

Gay: [00:05:47] there’s a lot of pressure on teaching staff.

Yeah.

Yes. And they’re human still. So as I say, there’s a shortcut. They might take it. Yeah. Don’t let it be your child. That’s the roots of somebody else’s shock. Yeah,

Xina: [00:06:03] I agree. I agree. 100%. So now you’re working at the school and you’re balancing work and home because you working at the school, how do you get from being at that school to working at Gooding Funeral Services?

Gay: [00:06:18] So I got on really well in my job. I was very, very good at my job so much so that I went off to work in a grammar school doing same thing. I was, I was the admissions person for both schools, one after the other.  But, I wasn’t entirely satisfied with my last role. At that time, our Dad had passed away. There was a lot of hard work getting the business into a good position.

You and I would speak a lot on the phone.

Xina: [00:06:48] Yes.

Gay: [00:06:49] Found that I was a business partner. We were business partners. You, me and your husband. We were all business partners, but I wasn’t in the business. And I found that I was talking a lot about the business. And I was kind of working in the business, although I was in a different job and it just felt good.

I really liked the, the interaction I had with you and your husband Peter, and it was a nicer environment, although I’m a remote worker, I live in London, the business is in Leeds, so everything was conducted at that time over the phone, all our conversations were over the phone.

Xina: [00:07:29] Yeah, yeah

Gay: [00:07:30] It was just nicer to work with you guys than it was working in the school.

I felt more connected to our business in Leeds than I did with work in London, the grammar school, it just felt like a natural, well you, you asked me, would I like to move over.

Xina: [00:07:49] I begged you. I begged you. I begged you “Please, please, Gay, they don’t appreciate you Gay, I appreciate you, please. Please come and work with us!

Gay: [00:08:04] Yeah, yeah actually it was a really easy decision to make. It was a very challenging job on its own. And I’ve had a lot of jobs that are challenging for various reasons and bosses who are challenging.

Xina: [00:08:17] Yes.

Gay: [00:08:18] But when you’ve got a combination of the expectation that you are to give your time for free, and that’s just a given that’s kind of overstepping the mark to me. I don’t work for free. I just don’t. If I’m employed by someone, you have to recognize your own worth. If I’m working over time, that’s fine. But I’ve got to be paid for it.

Xina: [00:08:40] Yeah.

Gay: [00:08:41] So yes, it was challenging. It was rewarding in some ways, but actually working with my family was far more rewarding and just great.

Still just wonderful. I just preferred the environment. Hand… it’s the best role I’ve ever worked in,  it’s the best job I’ve ever had. It’s with the best people I’ve ever worked with. It’s just wonderful. It’s wonderful. Yeah.

Xina: [00:09:06] I’ve got a few questions that I want to ask you. Some of them are my questions and some of the ambitious mothers from the Mother of Abundance Facebook group have asked as well.

So first of all

Gay: [00:09:21] Hi Mother of Abundancers, hello!

Xina: [00:09:26] I, I’ve got to

Gay: [00:09:27] Sorry!

Xina: [00:09:27] That’s quite all right. I’m sure they’ll appreciate that. First of all, this is a question I’m often asked. What do you do at Gooding Funeral Services.

Gay: [00:09:37] Oh, blimey. Okay. Where do I start? Okay, so I do the staff holidays. I am the art department. So the graphics, I do all the social media. So whenever you send a message on social media or answer a post that’s me, that’s responding to you.

I do the purchasing for internals, internal purchases, staff purchases. I arrange events. So if there’s Dying Matters on, for example, or the big funeral show that happens in Birmingham. That’s me organising it. I was instrumental in the rebrand, in the redecoration, the design of the interior. I did all the purchasing for that.

I designed the the desk at the front, windows that get done, I designed the windows I deal with all the price lists. There’s certain aspects of customer services that I deal with. Oh gosh. What else

Xina: [00:10:36] Just to clarify a point there:  Gay does not organise the big funeral show in Birmingham, but she

Gay: [00:10:43] No, no. no,

Xina: [00:10:44] She organises us getting there. And if we’re going to exhibit there, or if we’re going to have a …  Our Gospel choir has taken part there as well. Gay takes care of all of that.

So don’t contact Gay for the for the Birmingham show The National Funeral Exhibition

Gay: [00:11:02] No, no, no, no.  Promotions or the advertising, the advertorials, the editorials and content that goes into advertising or marketing. I work with third parties to get our marketing right. So I’ll do the direction on that sort of thing. Yes. So…

Xina: [00:11:18] Right, okay. So that’s what you thought of off the top of your head.

I always say, ‘Thank God for Gay’ because the things that would make my eyeballs dry up and fall out of my head with boredom, Gay is so particular, she would just stick with it until it’s done. So when it came to GDPR, you sorted, all of that

Gay: [00:11:39] Oh yeah ,yeah

Xina: [00:11:42] You arrange staff training for us. The Christmas meals. Things like that you organise the Christmas gifts and the gifts for the team as well.

I have to say this. We have outstanding clients. We have wonderful, wonderful clients,

Gay: [00:11:57] Love our clients.

Xina: [00:11:58] Yeah. Every now and then.

Gay: [00:11:59] Love our families

Xina: [00:12:00] The families are are superb.  Every now and then we might have someone who isn’t wanting to pay and that’s rare. And Gay helps arrange that side of things, which is great it just means..

Gay: [00:12:12] Debt collection yeah.

Xina: [00:12:13] But  we are talking to ambitious mothers here, some of whom will be working and some of whom will face people who don’t want to pay just to make it clear here that that is an important aspect of your business. You need to make sure that you deliver a fantastic service. And then the client is expected to uphold their end of the bargain and to pay for the service that they’ve received.

And that is just an important aspect of the business, which we, we don’t like having to deal with. Fortunately, we don’t have to deal with it too often, but that’s something that Gay that God takes care of as well.

And you do so much more to be sides. So that’s just a little taster for people who don’t know.

Do you ever direct funerals? Can you?

Gay: [00:12:54] I can direct funerals. I’ve directed a few funerals. Yes and I have, and I can. Yes.

Xina: [00:13:01] I have to say a Gay is an outstanding funeral director and has traveled 400 mile round trip to direct more than once. And is really good at that.

Gay: [00:13:10] I’ve also been a funeral operative as well.

So that’s another role I like doing because I’m there with the families. I’m not the funeral director, I’m there to help the funeral director. I’m there to help the families.

And that’s a really, really important role. And I’ve got a lot of respect for our funeral operatives, as well as our directors of course, but our operatives are just wonderful.

I’ve been out and I’ve helped collect deceased people and I’ve been around families. It’s very, very moving and it’s a privilege to work with people who’ve chosen to work with us when they’re at their greatest time of need really. It’s, it is an absolute privilege. So yes, I’ve done that too.

Xina: [00:13:54] Thanks for that Gay.

I have to second that. It’s a difficult time isn’t it? It’s a difficult time and it is a position of privilege to be there when people are quite low and to be able to add a little bit of control for them in a situation that otherwise they’ve got no control in. Whatsoever.

What do you do when you’re a funeral operative? What does that involve?

Gay: [00:14:14] That involves assisting the funeral director, whatever the funeral director needs, wherever the funeral director needs you to be,,you are there

I’d carry the flowers. I will help carry in the coffin or casket or wheel the coffin or casket in.  I will help the family or their friends or the client to their seats.

You know, I’m just there to help people. That’s the job of a funeral operative to make sure you’re on hand, to help.

Help with the back-filling of the grave at a burial. Help dressing the grave. Sometimes people need help walking to the grave side.

Xina: [00:14:55] If they’re infirm.

Gay: [00:14:56] Yeah. If people are infirm, you help them.

You help them. Sometimes people need tissues because it’s an emotional time, but people don’t always remember their tissues.

Xina: [00:15:06] It’s true.

Gay: [00:15:06] Anything people need, you’re there. You’re on hand to help them. That’s why I’ve got a lot of time for operatives. They’re invaluable. We’ve got wonderful team. We have very far, we have a wonderful, wonderful team.

Yeah.

Xina: [00:15:19] But I know that a few people you said, well, “I know what you do.Xina but, what, what  does Gay do?” I’m hoping that that will go some way towards answering the question. I don’t know if you wanted to talk about how you help with death and bereavement in your local community in London.

Gay: [00:15:34] Yes. So, my religious community.  I’m an active  member in my religious community. I am part of the Chevrah Kadisha, which is a group of women who help, well we bathe, we dress, and we prepare the met, which is the Hebrew word for the dead person.

Yeah. We prepare them for their final journey and pray, it’s prayers, and cleansing and dressing and preparation is very spiritual and I’m part of that group, and I’m called upon whenever I’m needed.

At the moment with. COVID-19 the group has been suspended for now because we can’t socially distance

Xina: [00:16:15] No,

Gay: [00:16:16] as a group we can’t Yeah. So, so that’s what I do in London.

Xina: [00:16:22] I’m glad that we’ve touched upon this because people will see the I’m quite active in the community here in Leeds.

So they’ll know that I’m the face of Dying Matters Leeds, even though you’re the one who organises our New Orleans jazz band for there and the gospel singers for there. People often call upon me. And I’m also the chair for Leeds Bereavement Forum, chair for Mill Hill Chapel in Leeds. But I just wanted to let people know that you are an active member of your community in London, too.

Gay: [00:16:51] Yes, yeah,

Xina: [00:16:52] And wider community as well. We do, through social media, we engage in different people and you take the lead in that, in helping with that, our charitable side of the business as well with donations and things like that.

Peter and I we’re quite visible and because you’re working from home in London, you’re not quite so visible for a lot of the families that we serve, unless you’re coming up and directing all you’re, you’re going to be chauffeuring a family in one of the limousines or something like that.

Gay: [00:17:18] Yeah.

Or if sometimes families might need additional help or information and I can speak to them if they need a little bit of more nurture sometimes..

Xina: [00:17:27] Yes, yeah. And that’s fantastic. And I’m really pleased about this Gay because. I think this is your first ever opportunity to tell people what you do in the business and Gay; Peter and I, as far as we’re concerned, we really need you in the business. It’s like, “What are we going to do without Gay? What would we do without Gay?”. But it’s good for people to have an insight into why you are such a valuable member of the team. And I’ve got some other questions here that I wanted to ask you.

Karen Cruise from Flourished Minds, she has got two questions.

What would you say are your transferable skills, if any, throughout your career, and parenting; anything, anything?

Gay: [00:18:12] Gosh, I’ve got lots, lots of transferable skills from work troubleshooting administration, troubleshooting, web design, web building, HTML code coding. What else? General organisation events – managing events.  Building… Oh goodness. I’ve got… do you know what, what I’m going to do is I’m going to check my list. Cause I had a feeling I’d get this question and I have to write things down.

Xina: [00:18:40] Yeah.

Gay: [00:18:42] So business administration, debt recovery, cause I can go into any company now and I know how to collect debt without necessarily bringing in a debt recovery specialist, which is additional cost.  Marketing and promotion, data protection, social media management, graphic design, retail window design, client care, customer services, human resources, events management.

They’re just a few things. And then there’s all the baby management type tools that I’ve learned. You like the things that you would laugh at me about like colour coordinated cutlery to keep to, to manage the children. I know you thought that that was a bit strange, but it helps with behaviour. Also understanding how things run in schools, the background of schools and the psychology of the school environment. I understand that more, that is a transferable skill because I can now advise people, people do ask me about child development and parenting in relation to their children’s schooling. I get asked that quite a lot.

I’m not perfect, but I do have a lot of experience both as a parent, as an educational professional.

So yeah, those are my skills.

Xina: [00:20:02] Okay. And Karen Cruise of Flourished Minds also asks of all of your roles, which did you enjoy best or least.

Gay: [00:20:11] I think I may have already answered this. Hi Karen, by the way. But my favourite role is the role I have now. It is wide ranging. It’s broad. It’s interesting.

Outside my own family, Xina and Peter, I work with a fantastic team of people. They are brilliant. And aside from that, I work and I meet somebody really interesting, incredible, lovely, warm families.

I feel that I’m a part of the community, even though I’m in London, I still feel connected to my hometown Leeds, my hometown, Chapeltown.

I still feel connected. So that is my favourite job. My favourite role blows everything else out of the water. And I’ve met some really interesting professionals within the sector as well. So the people we know in Barbados

Xina: [00:21:02] Yes!

Gay: [00:21:02] The team out there. Yeah, they’re wonderful, wonderful, wonderful people, Lyndhurst, Lyndhurst.  Okay, can’t recommend them highly enough. They’re great.

Xina: [00:21:14] Yeah.

Gay: [00:21:14] So yeah. That’s my favourite role my least favourite? I think I mentioned earlier on is my last role and that wasn’t because it was challenging and it wasn’t because I had a horrible boss, which I did. I’ve had horrible bosses in the past, and it’s not nice working for a horrible boss, but when that horrible boss expects you to work for free, that adds an extra dimension. So for that reason, and that reason alone, really, that was my least favourite role. Again, I worked with some really nice people there. The girls there were wonderful it is otherwise a really good school. My daughter ended up going there. But for me, that’s my worst role for those reasons.

Xina: [00:22:01] Rochelle Wilkinson would like to ask, how does it work with you being so far away?

Gay: [00:22:07] It doesn’t feel like I’m so far away. Except when I first joined, uh, GFS fully in a full time capacity, I did feel a bit out on a limb because at that time we were communicating by phone and I was so used to working with other people around and suddenly I was working from home and I couldn’t phone up all the time, because that would be using the work landline.

So I felt stranded. And it was you, you introduced me to, I think it was Skype we were using.

Xina: [00:22:39] At first we did, yeah.

Gay: [00:22:41] You suggested, well, why don’t we just work via Skype?  So that’s what we did. We put Skype on. I worked from home and it felt like I was working with somebody all the time because Xina was there in front of me all the time.

Sometimes we’d get carried away talking and we’d have to remind ourselves

Xina: [00:22:58] we’ve got work to do.

We’ve got work to do. We can’t be talking all the time, but the fact is. Xina was on my screen. If I had a question, I could ask her if she had a question she could ask me and that’s how we’ve more or less worked ever since, except now we’re not as switched on visually.

Gay: [00:23:16] We don’t see each other visually as often. But I don’t feel cutoff. We, we work over WhatsApp. We do Zoom every now and then I just don’t feel cutoff. I feel very much like I’m there in the office. They’ll call me up from the office or they’ll WhatsApp call me and I might not be actually where they expect me to be, but it’s great because my office feels connected to me and I feel connected to my office. I feel connected to the team and it’s lovely. It’s lovely.

Xina: [00:23:49] So pleased to hear that Gay.

Gay: [00:23:51] Yeah, it’s great. It’s great way to work.

Xina: [00:23:53] We’ve got a YouTuber called Jamie Lynch and her channel is,

Gay: [00:23:57] Hi Jaime!

Xina: [00:23:58] Her channel is called Maybe Something Different. And also it might have just the initials MSD. She has two questions as well.

So her first question is how was it having three kids and running a business, getting the balance right.

Gay: [00:24:15] Well, first of all, I had a very tiny business when I was at John Hobbs, just doing things on the side. I had a little side hustle, which was a handmade bespoke cards, but that was before the children.

And I sold to a little department store on Sloane street, Partridges. I slowly sold in Camden Market. So I sold my cards to friends and family and friends of friends, but that was before I had children. And, but I didn’t run a business as such and have children until my children had gone into school. So they were able to get themselves to school and from school.

So, so the commute for my children wasn’t an issue for me. I kind of wangled it so that my home was very near my school. In fact, I couldn’t get my children into that school unless I lived within the catchment area. So that kind of had to solve itself. So it just meant that my children get themselves to and from school and they were in secondary school then, and there are no major roads to cross or anything like that.

So I was very fortunate there. Also I worked from home, so they would come home and I would be at at work, at home. So if they needed anything,

I was there.

I would also work with my colleagues. If I’ve got to go to a dental appointment with them, I work with my family and we’re all very flexible. And we’re flexible with our staff as well.

If anyone needs appointments for their children or anything, we’ll work around that we do. It’s just the way it is.

Having your own business doesn’t always pay as well as working for somebody else, but it often gives you a lot more flexibility, a lot more peace of mind, and actually that’s the payoff. That’s the trade off. You kind of make it work for you. You have to make it work for you and your colleagues.

Xina: [00:26:06] That it’s so true and I’m glad that you’ve said that Gay, because a lot of ambitious mothers might transfer a really busy, hectic, or unhealthy work style from working from somebody else and take that same work style into working for themselves.

And it’s really important to think is your ideal work life like, and try your best to model your business on that ideal because no one else is going to do it for you in your business. It’s got to be down to us, and I think because we kind of inherited a bit of a workstyle from Daddy. Cause Daddy used to ask him me “Do you enjoy working here? Do you enjoy working here?” and I’d say “Yeah, it’s alright.”  and then afterwards it becomes so clear to me how important it was to him and how important that is for us, that our team genuinely enjoy working with us. And working at Gooding Funeral Services. And it can’t be any less for us as the owners.

Gay: [00:27:03] No, no.

Xina: [00:27:04] We’ve got, we’ve got to make it work for us.

Yeah. And it’s to keep service levels high.

Gay: [00:27:09] Yes, yes.

Xina: [00:27:10] Without a doubt, that’s not to be compromised, but as business owners, we have to make it work for us.

Gay: [00:27:15] We do. And I guess there are some businesses like ours who have fewer owners, they will earn more money because they have fewer owners, but they are working themselves into the ground and they don’t have the flexibility.

That’s what I meant about not necessarily earning as much as. When you’re working for someone else for a corporation where they may be paying your medical bills, you’ve got a fantastic pension. You’ve got great salary coming in, but you have no time for your family. You have no flexibility and you can’t go to your parents’ evenings.  Those are the things that matter to me.

Xina: [00:27:55] Yes.

Gay: [00:27:55] It’s more important. I’ve had really, really, really well paying work and actually you don’t get the satisfaction. You’re making a difference, but you’re not really making a difference. You’re making a difference for your employer. You’re not really making a difference personally.

Whereas I feel as a business woman, I feel I’m making a real difference personally, inputting to my own business and I’m making a difference to my family.

Xina: [00:28:24] Yeah.

Gay: [00:28:25] I don’t know if I’ve answered that question at all

Xina: [00:28:27] Well Jaime, you are more than welcome to come back to Gay. You can contact me at Mother of Abundance on Instagram. You can inbox me. I know that you are an active member of the Mother of Abundance Facebook group, and we’re very fortunate cause Gay’s in the group, so you can either ask me the question or Gay the question directly if you’d like Gay to further answer the question, but the second question, Jaime of Maybe Something Different has to ask is: How do your children feel about what you do for work?

Gay: [00:29:02] I did, I saw that question. It’s a really good question. And I asked them, and the answer I got was that they’re happy about the work that I do because they feel that I genuinely make a difference to other people’s lives.

Xina: [00:29:18] That’s lovely.

Gay: [00:29:20] Yeah. Yeah, make a genuine difference. Yeah.

Xina: [00:29:24] Oh, I’m glad you asked that Jamie. I wouldn’t have asked!

Gay: [00:29:29] Yeah, it’s a nice question. Yeah, that’s what they said.

Xina: [00:29:34] So, Nancy Wilson, who is an Independent Salad Master Cooking System consultant.

Gay: [00:29:41] Hi Nancy.

Xina: [00:29:43] She has two questions. And she has said, “Is there a different or additional dynamic when working with family, compared to working with non-relatives?”

Gay: [00:29:53] Oh, there is a different dimension because, well, Xina and I kind of, we know ,we’ve known each other all our lives. So sometimes I might not be able to articulate what I need to articulate for properly or fully. I don’t think it works quite the same for Xina, but she understands me. She gets me. Nothing I say, or very rarely is it misinterpreted.

And I think it’s the same, the other way around. Sometimes I don’t even really have to speak, she just knows. I just, she knows me. I know her.  We know which buttons to press, so we don’t press them.

Xina: [00:30:34] Agreed. Yeah.

Gay: [00:30:35] We respect each other.

Xina: [00:30:37] Yes.

Gay: [00:30:38] And so we have in the past, when we were very, very young, we’ve fallen out and we’ve worked together and we’ve worked professionally and no one knew that we’d fallen out.

No one at work would know, the clients never knew that we’d fall out because we know we work professionally, regardless of whatever’s going on between us and there’s a security in that knowledge, there’s a security in all that. There’s a security knowing that the person you’re working with knows you, you don’t have to try too hard to communicate the correct message you want to get across cause they know you. So there’s a, there’s a security in that knowledge and that comfort.

And it’s the same with Peter working with him is really, it’s lovely. He’s just so wonderful to work with. I’ve got the best business partners in the world and I have the best family in the world. I can’t, you know, it’s just wonderful.

So have I answered that question? I think…

Xina: [00:31:35] the dynamic; so one thing I would add to that bearing in mind, the question that Nancy has asked is we run the team a little bit like a family. So we get on really well with the team. So, whether it’s Laura or Sanjaye or Joshua or Kai, or Colin who’s coming in to help.  Tashi, who’s helping; there’s a lot of respect.

Gay: [00:32:03] Johnny or Ashley

Xina: [00:32:03] Johnny, Ashley, there’s lots of respect. There’s a lot of respect. We try not to be exclusive in the way that we operate, we don’t do this sort of whispering behind our hands and mumbling to each other. Just, you know, cliquiness. We’re not into that. No, we’re not into that. We are into an inclusive working environment

Gay: [00:32:26] Yeah, a happy working environment

Xina: [00:32:29] We know each other’s children.

So our beloved Sanjaye, her little boy plays with our son.  Laura, she’s got a little dog called Pebble and we tease her about Pebble all the time and we’re quite teasey and we’re very careful. It’s only funny if the person you’re teasing finds it funny. We’re not into bullying,

Gay: [00:32:50] No bullying.

Xina: [00:32:51] We’re not into upsetting people.  No, no, no, no,

Gay: [00:32:55] No belittling people. Oh goodness, no.

And you see, this goes back to working for bad bosses, having bad bosses, experiencing bad bosses, you don’t see the benefit it’s time. And there is no benefit at the time. But you come away from it knowing how you would wish to be treated ordinarily and how you would expect a professional boss to behave.

Xina: [00:33:21] Yeah. Daddy was really good to me as a boss. I felt comfortable, although I didn’t want to cause –  you and I were, we’re kind of perfectionist, right? We’ve got very high standards anyway. But, if I did make an error, Daddy made it really easy for me to admit to him. “I’m not sure if this is right”, or if he knows he’s done something like if the way I answered the phone, wasn’t correct, he used to tell me in a really nurturing and caring way rather than saying “How, many times I have to tell you, that’s not what you’re supposed to say?!” He, he wouldn’t do that. He’d be very kind, you know, in the way that he was mentoring me and I’ve had a fantastic boss in my past. I’ve had Edina Ajayfo for Hackney council.

I’ve had Lloyd who is no longer with us. He was such a fantastic boss. We actually went on holiday to Florida with him. I mean, could you imagine going on holiday with your boss, but we went on holiday with them. He was just such a good friend. But yet in the workspace, I’d bend over backwards for Lloyd. I do anything he asked me and that’s kind of how we work I think. Whether we’re related to the team member or not, we want to make sure that they know that I can be up front and say, you need to fix your tie. Well, I’ll say you need to fix your tie. I won’t go off a mumble and say, “I don’t know why he always has his tie like that!”.  I, I’ll go and say “You need to fix the tie.” And then when they fix their tie, I say, “Aw, that’s nice Darling!” and give them a hug! You know!   That might be my son, or that might be a colleague of mine, you know, who is not related at all. So because we don’t do the cliqueiness and they make a fuss when you come up to Leeds, Gay.

Gay: [00:34:58] So lovely.

Xina: [00:34:59] They make a fuss “Oh Gay’s coming!”

Gay: [00:35:01] Nice, nice welcome. Yeah I do get a lovely…I’m always looked after, everyone looks after me. It’s just lovely. It’s lovely. It’s lovely. As I say it’s my favourite role, the best role I’ve ever had hands down.

Xina: [00:35:14] Okay, so Nancy, her second question was “Why Portuguese?”

Gay: [00:35:21] It was Portuguese Brazilian Studies & Applied Computing.  I wanted to learn Portuguese because I wanted to eventually move to Brazil.  Live and work in Brazil. And it just so happened that Matthew also loved Brazil. But my love of Brazil proceeded my meeting Matthew.

I think it started because I wanted to go to the Rio carnival. I wanted to go to New Orleans Mardi Gras and I wanted to go to Rio carnival.

And there was just something about Brazil that I just wanted to move there. I wanted to be there. I wanted to learn the language I wanted to live there. So, it just happened that…it’s possible that that was one of the reasons Matthew and I clicked as well.

Not long after meeting Matthew, he went to the carnival in Rio.

We both had a love of Brazil, but as I say, my love and possibly his love of Brazil proceeded us meeting. So…

Xina: [00:36:22] Did you go to Brazil?

Gay: [00:36:23] Yes. I’ve been to Brazil, many times. You and I have been to Brazil a couple of times. The first time I went to Brazil was with you. It was great. We were in the carnival.

Xina: [00:36:33] We were,

Gay: [00:36:34] We were in the carnival in the Sambadrome.

We had our costumes cause we have friends out in Rio. So yes, we’ve been to Brazil. And in fact, we were in Rio for the millennium weren’t we?

Xina: [00:36:47] Yes! That was out of this world

Gay: [00:36:50] and we’re on Copacabana beach and we later went to a party and that’s where Matthew proposed to me on the sunrise of the new millennium. Yeah. On the beach.

It was beautiful.

Xina: [00:37:04] Beautiful. It was beautiful.

Gay: [00:37:05] Then we went back for our honeymoon. So yeah, I’ve been, and then we went back again. We took Lily.

Xina: [00:37:12] Yes.

Gay: [00:37:13] Yeah. It was a great time, we had a fantastic time.

Xina: [00:37:17] So, okay. Avril Jones wants to know, “Is there anything that you still want to achieve?”

Gay: [00:37:24] Yes, actually, there are a number of things that I’d like to achieve. There are a number of projects, so many people projects that I’ve started and haven’t managed to finish.

I want to write a book. I don’t know whether it’s an autobiography or a novel yet, but I’m constantly jotting down notes. It might even be a book of poetry.  I don’t know. It might be a book of my drawings, my art.

I’ve no idea yet, but before I leave this mortal coil, I wish to have created and published a book. That’s one thing.

I want to have a really good retirement. I would like to live for six months in the Caribbean and six months here. So my summers in the UK, my winters in the Caribbean, I am hoping to get that organised.  I mean, I’ve organised my citizenship out there.

I was kind of spurred on really by the whole Brexit situation. It was making me very nervous about my place in the UK, even though I was born here. Raised here that made me very, very nervous

Xina: [00:38:30] Yeah

Gay: [00:38:30] and the Windrush thing. So I have engineered it. So I basically I’ve got myself, my citizenship elsewhere, according to my parents, the fact that my Dad, our Father was from Barbados.

Xina: [00:38:44] Yeah. And you’ve helped me with that as well, Gay, so thank you so much for helping me to get my Bajan Citizenship.

Gay: [00:38:48] No it’s okay. It’s okay.

And, and so funnily enough, now, when the whole Brexit thing is mentioned, I’m not as nervous because I’ve just given myself options and that’s what I believe life is all about giving yourself options.

Xina: [00:39:02] Yeah, I agree. Wholeheartedly.

Gay: [00:39:05] Don’t be backed into a corner. Give yourself options.

Xina: [00:39:08] Exactly.  Okay so, Marcia Hilton from Free To Be Me, she said, “I’d be very interested to know how it works with remote working.”  And I joked and said, “We get the remote control and switch Gay off, or we switch Gay on!”

But you’re going to give the grown up version to my childish response!.

Gay: [00:39:30] Hi Marcia!

Well, we don’t have an issue with it. We have worked practically every single day with each other switched on you’ve got the other one in the centre at the top of our screen. We talk to each other when we need to, sometimes we talk to each other when we shouldn’t and when we don’t need to.

Often we are working in silence, but the other person is on screen and we love it.

I am also connected to the office. They called me. The WhatsApp, Face time thing me. I don’t feel like I’m separate from the office. I feel very much a part of the office. I feel very much a part of the team. I physically feel like I’m there, although I’m not there. And then I’ve got my home is it’s great. Actually, it’s wonderful. I have a good working environment and I work with great people. They just happen to be on the well they’re on my screen. So yeah. Yeah. Remote working is fine. I highly recommend it.

Xina: [00:40:29] Cool. Okay. That’s that, those are the questions from everybody.

Gay, I am so grateful to you for the time.  And we both know that this interview due to technical hitches and all the rest of it hasn’t been that straightforward. But it has been an absolute joy. And I have learned

Gay: [00:40:49] For me too. For me too.

Xina: [00:40:50] This is fantastic because you and I are very, very close. We have been for the majority of our lives, even though I used to bully you ruthlessly until you

Gay: [00:40:59] Yes you did

Xina: [00:41:00] until you gave me a good hiding the way I deserved it and then it was

Gay: [00:41:04] When we were very little, we said, yeah, we were very little. So not when we were like 17 or 18 or anything, no.

Xina: [00:41:10] No, no, no, no, no, no. But even though we’ve been so consistently close for many, many, many years, I have learned a lot about you and your circumstances and why you did the things that you did.

I was thinking all you guys have got it all planned out.  But, it was a case of necessity breeding invention.  Muddling through and doing the best and constantly and consistently landing on your feet.

Gay: [00:41:35] Yeah, although it doesn’t feel like landing on your feet when you first do it, it just feels like coincidence. Feels a lot like coincidence as you, as you go through life.

But as I say with hindsight, you see you’ve landed on your feet or you’ve seen that you did spot an opportunity and you went for it. The key is to spot opportunities and go for them. And if you make mistakes along the way, it’s not the be all and end all, you will make it back. Things will happen. Life has a way of working in your favour.

As long as you allow yourself to accept help when you need help and surround yourself with positive people, if at all possible. Only surround yourself with positive people. And you will find that you’ll get more from life. If you surround yourself with positive people because they help you to be positive.

And you have to try to have a positive mindset where you can, where it’s possible. Try to think positively.

It helps your mental health, and it helps the people who are around you; your children, your partner. It just helps if you try to have a positive mindset.

It’s not always possible, but if you can try mindfulness, I would highly recommend mindfulness. Sitting and grounding yourself and just finding a moment, a space where you can be on your own for a few moments and just taking in the nothingness around you and centring yourself.  Getting your heart rate down, getting you pulse down.  Regulating your breathing.  Mindfulness, or going for a walk.

These things, they take a little bit of times if he can spend the time, but yeah, it shouldn’t cost you any money to take a walk around your block or to take a walk in the local park or to sit quietly in your bedroom or a quiet space when the children were really tiny, Xina, you’ll tell them you’ll vouch for me that I would call you sometimes and I’ve been

Xina: [00:43:22] In the cupboard

Gay: [00:43:23] Hiding to speak to you in the cupboard.

Xina: [00:43:26] Yeah.

Gay: [00:43:27] So the kids would be running around looking for me. They’d driven me, mad.

Xina: [00:43:34] I remember!

Gay: [00:43:35] I’d go and hide in the wardrobe and made my phone call

Xina: [00:43:39] And you’d whisper to me “The children are looking for me” and I was like, “Gay what are you doing, where are you?”

“I’m in the cupboard”

And then I’d hear “Mummy?” in the background!

Gay: [00:43:51] Yeah, you need time to yourself. Just a few minutes in the bathroom, when you’re on the toilet. You need time to yourself. You need a little bit of time to yourself just to get your head straight so you can move on.

Xina: [00:44:03] Gay, I cannot thank you enough. You have set the bar very high for my future guests because this has been an absolute blast.

I have gained so much and as usual, because we are connected, we are definitely connected. I was going to ask you if you had any tips, I’d give, given some blinding tips. Fantastic tips. I couldn’t have given any better myself. Just fantastic. And I look forward to speaking to you, I’m sure we’ll speak to each other at some point soon; daily.

And I just wanted to say thank you so much, Gay!

Gay: [00:44:38] Thank you for having me on and thank you to your listeners and your other contributors. Thank you. It’s been wonderful.

Xina: [00:44:45] Wasn’t that great?

Gay gave some golden, golden pieces of advice there. Just to summarise:

Remember that if you’re not in a position to attend your child’s parent evening yourself, please try and send somebody else who you trust a long in your place.

She mentioned why she left the schools and how she became a business owner at Gooding Funeral Services and the kind of draw that she had to working for herself.

Gay mentioned what she does typically day-to-day in her business. How she helps people in her local religious community in London, her transferable skills from her vast career parenting experience. Her least, and most favourite roles from her career.

What it’s like working 200 miles away from the business she owns. What it’s like running the business whilst having children; how her children feel about her owning a funeral parlour. What it’s like working with family versus non family members and the importance of being positive, mindfulness and having time for yourself.

Gay  also mentioned the importance of surrounding yourself with like minded people, wherever possible.

So she’s covered some really great points there.

One of the top things that occurred to me, when I was  interviewing Gay, she’s got really tight family unit. I’m lucky to be part of her close family members, but that doesn’t mean that things were simple for her when she’s been working her way towards being a business owner and a business consultant.

The other thing that I wanted to mention that Gay is very humble and I’ve had speak to her and say a lot of the things that you’ve done, you’re not necessarily recognising. She’s certainly not alone in having that sort of real humble attitude. So sometimes as ambitious mothers were actually doing a lot better than we give ourselves credit for.

And I would just like to say, well done to you in achieving your ambitions, whether you’re actually there or not, whether you’re on your way there, whether you’ve only just written your list of goals down or not. I would like to congratulate you and say that I am here to support you.

And there is a wonderful community of other ambitious mothers who are here to support you too.

I am going to be doing more interviews. Some of the people who I’ll be interviewing will be ambitious mothers. Some of the people I will be interviewing will not be mothers and may not be women either, but they will have something constructive and helpful to add to the journey of ambitious mothers just like you.

That’s it from me for now. Have an abundant day and an abundant week.

Thank you for listening to the  Mother of Abundance podcast, with your host Xina Gooding Broderick.

Sign up at MotherOfAbundance.com for your free copy of Planning Your Life & Living It Every Day Workbook.

See you on the next episode.

Over to you, Love. What do you think?